To Caroline

October 15 was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and, having lost the only baby we ever conceived, I felt the need to write about it. I know it doesn't pertain to Parkinson's Disease, the main objective of this blog, but I wanted to write and post this piece anyway.

If you have experienced loss, I hope this post will remind you that you are not alone.

To Caroline:

My darling, the first arms to hold you
Were your Heavenly Father's arms,
Not mine.
The first sounds of your little voice
Echoed in Heaven's ears,
Not mine.
The first kisses to brush your forehead
Were angel kisses,
Not mine.

My precious, when first you awoke in Heaven,
Could your eyes see the heart-broken tears
we cried?
When the angels rocked you to sleep,
Could your ears hear the lullabies
we sang?
When the arms of Heaven held you tight,
Could your little heart feel the love
we sent?

My sweetheart, you were the most beautiful gift
Your mommy and daddy never got
to open.
You were the sweetest sound
Your mommy and daddy never got
to hear.
You were the most precious bundle
Your mommy and daddy never got
to hold.

My baby, if we could have seen your lovely face,
Would your mouth, your chin, your nose have looked
like ours?
If we could have looked into your little eyes,
Would the eyes that gazed back at us have looked
like ours?
If we could have tickled your tummy happy,
Would your precious smile have looked
like ours?

My Caroline, even before you were conceived,
Every day we thought about you, every day
we loved you.
Even when we were trying to hold onto you,
And later, when we knew we couldn't,
we loved you.
Even when 14 years have passed us by,
And it seems life has moved on, even then, forever
we love you.