Sunday, April 1, 2018

My Life Changed on March 6, 2018

I wrote this post after seeing my neurologist on March 6, but didn't want to make it public until I had separated from work. It's time to share it now--here it is:

Today was a life-changing day. My world will never be the same. Today my doctor wrote in ink in my permanent file that I could never work full-time again. Score one for Parkinson's Disease.

Today was an emotional day. Acknowledging that it's time to go on disability means looking in the mirror and admitting my health is deteriorating; facing the cold hard facts and embracing the idea that today might be the best health day I'll have for the rest of my life.

Today was a hopeful day. I can hardly wait to be free of work. I can't wait for the day I can devote my time and energy to feeling better. I can't wait to be home with my retired husband. I can't wait to go to exercise classes and water aerobics and physical therapy.

Today I was validated. I was applauded by my doctor and nurse practitioner. They understood that sheer exhaustion keeps me from exercise; work keeps me from taking care of myself, eats up every good part of me. They said I ran my race well, that I had a good career since my diagnosis in October of 2012. They said I "put in" all these years and now it's time to take some back out; that they see so many people who don't deserve disability, but that I truly do. They said it's time.

My doctor said he was proud of me.

I'm ready to move forward.

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