It's been a rough couple of days and I haven't had it in me to blog much. I feel beat up by my Parkinson's symptoms and by my work.
For whatever unknown reason, it feels like someone lit a match to my symptoms and started a bonfire I can't put out. I can't seem to walk properly, my tremor is out of control, brain fog has become a full-blown cloud, fatigue pours on more and more, and I don't have the energy to smile or move fast. At work yesterday, my typing ability was significantly worse than usual, and I felt like my left arm and hand weren't getting proper circulation. It all came to a head when I got home, and I really thought I was having a stroke or something. The good news is that I seem to be relieved of a lot of those symptoms this morning (thank you, Lord).
At work, my co-workers are kind to me, but the general public not so much! The people I service with loans are demanding, and quite vocal about getting their way, copying my bosses on emails, and so forth. Additionally we are understaffed, plus one person is on vacation. I'm dreading today because we'll have no tellers on the line--it will just be my manager, the other lending person, and me. We'll be running the teller line, plus all the administrative and lending details.
Some days, life doesn't turn out to be what you signed up for. I wish I had some really wise thing to say about that right about now, but I don't.
It seems odd to me that the things that come to mind to help me through this time are from blog posts I wrote earlier. I expected God to speak to me through Scripture or through someone else's encouragement. I didn't expect Him to use my own words to bolster me.
Just recently I wrote about how I learned a new fix for self-pity: pray for others. My friend, Jason, has surgery today, and needs prayer. My niece was recently hospitalized, and is still not 100%. One of my former students lost her 61-year-old mother to cancer on August 31. There is no shortage of people who need prayer right now, today.
I also recently wrote about how God impressed me through my reading in the book of Joshua in the Bible. Joshua had just lost his friend, Moses, who had also been Israel's leader, God came to him in his sorrow, and instructed him three times in one chapter to be strong and very courageous, and gave him instructions on how to lead the nation of Israel, who had now been placed under his leadership. Talk about a big job! He must have felt so unprepared. How I'm feeling probably doesn't hold a candle to how overwhelmed he must have felt.
Part of my most recent post, before this one, was about how I am learning discipline from what I am going through right now. I hope I can view the trials of the last couple of days as part of that discipline. In one sense, if I never had bad days (or bad weeks), how would I know what a good day looked like? How could I be thankful when times were good if good was all I knew? I pray that I can regain that perspective quickly, because I feel like I need ammunition going into this day.
Re-reading the sentence I just wrote about needing ammunition....what if I could look at the people God puts in my day today as individuals with lives full of hurts, accomplishments, desires, and struggles just like my own.....instead of as an oncoming tidal wave against me that requires me to be armed and ready?
It's 7:22 AM and my whole day is ahead of me. I'm going to try to apply the wisdom God has already provided to get me through this day.
Would you like to join me?
No comments:
Post a Comment