Hope in Disguise....or Something Like That

I sure hope it's Hope in Disguise, because this has been a crummy day! That was the most positive title I could muster!

First though, Yolanda asked me to journal about how I'm feeling, so here it is:

• I slept great last night but I went to bed too late. The only times I woke up were to go to the bathroom, which was about 3 times in the night. That must mean the nighttime tea worked well! 
• I think it's actually a good think that I had to get up for the bathroom so many times -- I think our goal is to wash out my system. 
• I also had a lot of "system washing" during the day today -- also a good thing.
• When I woke up this morning, my legs were soft and spongy, not hard like before. As the day went on, however, they became hard again. We must have done some good in our session yesterday!
• During the day at work I was terribly shaky and had an awful time getting it under control... of course it was a difficult and stressful day, and I'm sure that contributed to the problem.
• Not sure if my energy level was up today or not, but I don't think it was as bad as it sometimes is.

Now for the crummy part...when I got to work, my lending partner was there, but my boss was on vacation. I've been gone 2 weeks (doctor's orders), so there was a lot I needed to catch up on, plus we had to cover our boss' desk while he is gone this week. Of course, my email was crazy, too ....437 of them. The branch was fully staffed otherwise (I work for a financial institution), so it was okay for about a minute.

I'd been at work about an hour, when my lending partner got a call that her grandfather had developed a brain bleed and was not expected to make it through the day. She's very close to her grandfather, so she was very broken-up, and immediately left to go to the hospital. He passed away a couple of hours later, so she will be gone for the next 3 days. That left me to cover my own 437 emails (and counting - they were multiplying faster than I could knock them out), along with my manager's desk, my lending partner's desk, and my own desk. Oh, and that meant we were short-staffed for the week, so I had to re-work the schedule, and get on the phone to find extra help from other branches. And did I tell you that I'm only allowed to be at work 5 hours a day this week and next -- again, doctor's orders.

There was absolutely no possible way to do all that I had to do. Even if all three of us had been there, I would still have been behind. You can only imagine how I felt being the only office person there today, and all week, for that matter. Had it been any other time, I would have just stayed late and come in early to try to get a handle on things, but I am under written doctor's orders to limit my time to 5 hours a day. I am stuck, yet somehow, still responsible for what doesn't get done.

When I got home, I sat at the kitchen table and sobbed, trying to get the words out to tell my husband. 

I guess no matter how bad my day was, it beats losing  your grandfather. I am so sorry for you, Melissa.

Do you ever feel like God gets you when you're down? Or maybe He lets you get down so that you will actually stop and listen to the voice that's been there all along. Maybe that's what happened to me today because on the way home (while I was crying), I heard a Christian song on the radio that made me realize something:  

For all my asking for prayer, and thinking about my situation, I think that's ALL I'm doing. I don't think I'm praying for my own circumstance. I'm feeling a little resistant about that, but I don't know why. I'm trying to "draw closer," but sometimes it's hard. Like now.

Okay, it's time for watermelon...which reminds me:  I did a good job sticking with my new diet today.

So, there it is -- the good, the bad, and the terrible. Let's just call it Hope in Disguise.