Fighting Your Way Through Your Fifties, Installment #2

The last time I posted in this blog was October 5, 2016. I had no idea what was coming on October 6, and it's taken until today for me to write again.

The morning of October 6, my 62-year-old husband went into his job of 31 years, just like every day. He generally calls me when he gets to work to let me know he's in safely, and if he doesn't call me, I call him. On this particular morning, he was due to work by 6:30, but he hadn't called me by 6:50, so I called him. He answered, and I could tell something wasn't right. I asked him if everything was okay, and he said, in these exact words (trust me, I'll never forget), "I have some bad news, Honey. They're letting me go."

He sounded crushed, defeated, and hopeless. I felt furious, heartbroken, and afraid.

You hear about these kinds of things happening to other people, and you say things like "how terrible" or "I can't believe they did that to him." But it always happens to other people, and you never think it's going to happen to you.

Then one day it does...right after you start writing a series on "Fighting your Way Through Your Fifties." That's just too ironic, isn't it?

Together, my husband and I began working through a whole gamut of emotions, but my primary personal job became one of rebuilding and restoring:  I was on a mission to re-inflate him, console him, and help him find purpose again. In the meantime, I was trying to find my own equilibrium and squelch the outrageous fear rising up inside of me. I share everything with my husband, but I couldn't share this fear this time. With no other outlet, I slammed these words out on the computer in under 3 minutes, just to let them out of my head.

Gray day
All alone day
What will I do day
What will happen to me?

Gray day
I'm really not alone day
I'm one-half of two today
But neither of us knows what we will do.

Gray day
I'm afraid day
I can't trust today
Ahead of me, it's black.

Gray day
I'm angry day
It's not supposed to be this way today
Why did you let this happen to us?

Gray day
I don't understand day
Can something good come today?
Does every cloud really have a silver lining?

Gray day
Mayday
Help today
I'm falling.

Since October 6, we've both been finding our way a little at a time. I'm sure I'll have more to say on this topic in the future.

For now, though, I'll end with this:  I don't know what I expected from my fifties, but whatever it was, it WASN'T this!

And that's Installment #2.